my city was gone

"Out Of The Game" I’m out of the game I’ve been out for a long time now I’m lookin’ for something That can’t be found on the main drag, no I’m out of the game I’ve been out for a long time now I’m looking for something That can’t be found on the main drag no, Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you, suckers! Does your mama know what you’re doin’? Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you, suckers! Does your mama know what you’re doin’? You’re only a child With the mind of a senile man You’re only a young thing, ’Bout to sleep with a sea of men Just hangin’ around, Wearin’ somethin’ from God knows where. Just havin’ a ball Makin’ all of the thin cards fall....... rufus wainwright

“Out Of The Game”
I’m out of the game
I’ve been out for a long time now
I’m lookin’ for something
That can’t be found on the main drag, no
I’m out of the game
I’ve been out for a long time now
I’m looking for something
That can’t be found on the main drag no,
Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you, suckers!
Does your mama know what you’re doin’?
Look at you, look at you, look at you, look at you, suckers!
Does your mama know what you’re doin’?
You’re only a child
With the mind of a senile man
You’re only a young thing,
’Bout to sleep with a sea of men
Just hangin’ around,
Wearin’ somethin’ from God knows where.
Just havin’ a ball
Makin’ all of the thin cards fall……. rufus wainwright

Out of the mists of our long oppression, / We bring love for ourselves and each other, / And love for the gifts we bear, /So heavy and so painful the fashioning of them, /So long the road given us to travel them. A separate people, /We bring a gift to celebrate each other, /’Tis a gift to be gay! / Feel the pride of it!…  harry hay

 

as must be the case with each human journey, there is a fulcrum as well as an arc. this could se easily seem a failure to the young because this concept implies surrender to an idea that the other side of the mountain requires a different strategy and a different pace.

this month of lgbt pride reveals to my soul that my journey has shifted. i am not in the streets shaking the freezing shivers of shame any longer. perhaps that is due to some self-forgiveness which has lead to forgiveness of others. perhaps it is due to self acceptance which requires much less acceptance by others. perhaps it is due to gratitude for miraculously experiencing an alternate fate than so many of my contemporaries. i am not sure. then there is the possibility that sobriety and recovery have completely altered my perspective on celebration.

 

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