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THE PROUD BEETLE IN A LUMP OF COW DUNG "There once was a beetle which came upon a lump of cow dung. He worked himself into it and liking what he saw, he invited his friends to join him in building a city in it. After working feverishly for a few days they built a magnificent `city´ in the dung and feeling very proud of their achievement they decided to elect the first beetle as their king. Now to honour their new `king´ they organised a grand parade through their `city´. While these impressive proceedings were taking place, An elephant happened to pass by and seeing the lump of cow dung he lifted his foot to avoid stepping on it. The king beetle saw the elephant and angrily shouted at the huge beast. `Hey you! Don´t you have any respect for royalty? Don´t you know it is rude to lift your leg over my majestic head? Apologies at once or I´ll have you punished.´ The elephant looked down and said, `Your most gracious majesty, I humbly crave your pardon.´ Thus saying he knelt down on the lump of cow dung and crushed king, city, citizens and pride in one act of obeisance." Ven. K Sri Dhammananda

THE PROUD BEETLE IN A LUMP OF COW DUNG
“There once was a beetle which came upon a lump of cow dung. He worked himself into it and liking what he saw, he invited his friends to join him in building a city in it. After working feverishly for a few days they built a magnificent `city´ in the dung and feeling very proud of their achievement they decided to elect the first beetle as their king. Now to honour their new `king´ they organised a grand parade through their `city´.
While these impressive proceedings were taking place, An elephant happened to pass by and seeing the lump of cow dung he lifted his foot to avoid stepping on it. The king beetle saw the elephant and angrily shouted at the huge beast. `Hey you! Don´t you have any respect for royalty? Don´t you know it is rude to lift your leg over my majestic head? Apologies at once or I´ll have you punished.´ The elephant looked down and said, `Your most gracious majesty, I humbly crave your pardon.´ Thus saying he knelt down on the lump of cow dung and crushed king, city, citizens and pride in one act of obeisance.”
Ven. K Sri Dhammananda

predicaments come and go. one has knocked at the door and entered my home. there is no perfect resolution as i see it right now, just living with the uncomfortable. knowing that i give barrelfuls of lipservice to leaning into the undomfortable, i stand at the crossroads of walking the walk with my own talk as a guide.

perhaps the most contributing factor is the amount of time required to deal with this situation. it is like the blob swallowing everything in front, behind, and to all sides of it. and all my platitudes have the zest of a stale potato chip.

i have returned to a weekly meeting which alleviates some of the extra stress. when i go through the door to meet with my tribe, i get to check the  bs at the door. that is a necessary exercise. recommended for everyone. my name is rod and i’m a person living in long-term recovery. for me that means that i have a whole new life today. the fuckit bucket is not my only coping skill and i have healthier outcomes for my efforts. i can look myself in the mirror and not cringe at what i see looking back at me.

being uncomfortable is not the end of the world. it does trigger some of my trauma issues, and beckons seductively to the child within and i circle around to the question “this again?”

Watching Blue Planet
Creating new habits
Acting as if we were two rabbits
And then you’d vanish back to the borough with all the Celtics
I disappear
You call me selfish, I understand
But I can’t help it
I put my job over everything
Except my family and friends
But you’ll be in between forever
So I guess we’ll have to take a step back
Overlook the situation
‘Cause mixing business and feelings will only lead to complications
And I’m not saying we should be taking a break
Just re-evaluating quick before we make a mistake and it’s too late
So we can either deal with the pain or wait to get on the plane
But in a day we’ll have to say it again
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