let the river run



colorado river- horseshoe bend arizona
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space…pema chodron

life is full again. so many good thoughts. so many great  opportunities. numerous kind words exchanged. promise and practice. i didn’t know i could let go so unwillingly. of course, i struggle way too much. but i am finding it (finally) to be really quire tiring.

i was to go on a date last weekend but plans changed and i found myself relieved because i honestly can’t say i feel date-ready. i am riding a wave of change at my workplace that i somehow had anticipated and channeled. i get to see ideas come to fruition and savor accomplishment. i smile most of the time and it is not about creating reality. this is my reality.

naivete aside, i don’t attach any forever here. it is now. it is amazing. it is all the way live.

the pema chodron quote above has snuck its way into my psyche. if i think about the last few years of sobriety, i am immediately accompanied by the onset of ancient feelings that prior to sobriety, i had no real idea existed. but exist they did, and fester they did, deep down inside imprinting furrows and crevasses that petrified and fossilized much of my interior.

if a miracle is a shift in perception as a course in miracles defines, then i find myself opening a shop on miracle boulevard. and i hope to open for visitors soon. something has definitely shifted. i have let go of some fear that i couldn’t until just very recently. quietly and without fanfare, the refreshing waters of forgiveness and letting go in many many facets of my life have refreshed the dried up river beds of my memories.

i am thankful today. i am in awe. i am humbled. i believe. let the river run.. and i’m gonna run through it barefoot with laughter in my heart. let the river run.

It’s asking for the taking.
Come run with me now,
the sky is the color of blue
you’ve never even seen
in the eyes of your lover.

Oh, my heart is aching.
We’re coming to the edge,
running on the water,
coming through the fog,
your sons and daughters. 
carly simon

                                         
post script- when i was in the lgbt chorus here in denver in the early 90’s – we sang this song. that show reminded me how much i love to be behind the scenes as on stage. that versatility remains a strong part of my program.

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